As with any belief structure or moral code, straight edge is not the same for everyone.
In Search of Individuality
As with any belief structure or moral code, straight edge is not the same for everyone. Priorities of abstinence may differ for each of us.
Diverse Interpretations
There are those that believe vegetarian/vegan diets should be a staple of an edge lifestyle, while others feel promiscuous sex need not be a part of the discussion. To each their own, one might say. I try to limit my judgments when it comes to the choices of others in the community, even if I feel strongly in another direction.
at the age of 25, my depression and anxiety had become overwhelming and my performance at work was becoming troublesome. It was a difficult decision, though necessary in order to save my career and many relationships in my personal life. I reluctantly saw a doctor to discuss my options.
Navigating Pharmaceutical Choices
This is why I struggle with the debate surrounding the use of prescription and over the counter medications. I applaud those who are able to abstain from the use of pain relievers, cold medication, or even anti-depressants. I’ve heard some go so far as to claim they refuse anesthesia and antibiotics. I am content in understanding that will never be me.
Personal Experiences
My experiences growing up molded much of my relationship with pharmaceuticals. I cannot recall when my father was diagnosed with depression, though for years in my youth, he was on anti-depressants that made him seem distant, almost vacant.
Inherited Challenges
The only time I saw a real reaction from him was when his anger broke through the fog… and unfortunately, I inherited that temper. My mother did not abuse pills, to my knowledge, however, I remember her popping over the counter pain relievers multiple times a day, as if they were of no consequence.
Refusal and Exploration
Even though I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation as a teenager, I swore to avoid becoming like my parents. I refused prescription medication for mental health long before I chose sobriety, even though my therapist showed concern for my wellbeing.
A Discovery
In my late teens, my frequent bouts of suicidal ideation were finally attributed to undiagnosed Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which affects millions of women. I committed at that time to curb the symptoms of this ailment by using vitamins and herbal supplements, which effectively helped for years, and allowed me to avoid prescription medications at that time.
Accepting Medication
As committed as I was to my refusal of antidepressants, at the age of 25, my depression and anxiety had become overwhelming and my performance at work was becoming troublesome. It was a difficult decision, though necessary in order to save my career and many relationships in my personal life.
Struggles and Triumphs
I reluctantly saw a doctor to discuss my options. I tried a number of brands, many with terrible side effects until I found something that allowed me to function at work and in life, without the numbness I had witnessed in my father.
An Ongoing Battle
At times since, I have felt capable of weaning myself off the meds for long stretches of time, however, it would seem that my depression, coupled with my PMDD, tends to rear its ugly head every few years in an attempt to tear down what I’ve built.
what is the point of living this positive lifestyle if your physical or mental health is potentially fatal without help?
Recovery and Acceptance
At 35 years old, during one of my stints free of anti-depressants, I wound up having a mental break that put me in weeks of intense therapy and caused me to almost lose my job. While I wish it wasn’t the case, I have resigned myself to maintaining my physician prescribed regimen to avoid future relapses of my depression. It is a constant battle that many of us fight, but I now view mental illness like any ailment that affects the body or mind.
A New Perspective
Depression is a flaw in chemistry not character. That said, I do understand the potential for abuse of over the counter meds, though if I have a cold, flu, headache or muscle cramps that are making it so I cannot work or take care of myself, I will take cold medicine and pain relievers at or below the recommended dose.
A Perspective on Straight Edge
Over the years, I have had a number of people who live a hardline lifestyle attempt to call me out as not straight edge because of my views on OTC meds, however, I have always said I will never allow anyone without ovaries to tell me I cannot take Midol and still be edge.
Changing Times
I am in no way stereotyping all dudes in the community as I have met a number of extremely supportive and welcoming men, though back in the day, there had been plenty of negativity towards the female gender in the scene. Now, a decade after moving cross country, away from that local Midwest scene, I am comforted by the unity I see in xsisterhoodx and a number of other online straight edge communities. I hope I can one day find myself a part of such an accepting local scene in the Pacific Northwest.
Embracing Diversity
My overall point being, I personally do not think the moderated use of pharmaceuticals should be a point of judgment or exclusion within the straight edge community. No one knows what ailments or pain another person struggles with. We need to remove the stigma from mental health and support those within the community who struggle to survive without pharmaceutical intervention.
A Positive Lifestyle with a Purpose
I mean, what is the point of living this positive lifestyle if your physical or mental health is potentially fatal without help?
2 Comments
Thank you, Dawn, for this article. I’m in a similar situation right now – I’m 33 – been SXE for 15 years, always battling depression without any substances. Until I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s an illness and should be treated as such. I’ve tried it without medication but it didn’t work. I would rather not take any pills but I can’t let depression define my whole life right now. I think it’s valid to get help if you need it – although it does feel weird taking pills that have an effect on the body and the mind that edgers mostly try to avoid. Still, it’s better than all the negative effects of a full grown depression. It’s not like we’re trying to get high – it’s just medicine that we need to live a normal life.
So thank you for being brave and sharing your story. It actually helps a lot to know that I’m not alone. Of course I know many people who take antidepressants but it’s really interesting to hear this from someone who’s straight edge.
Good luck for the future, hope you’ll be ok! 🙂
Thanks for this post. Truly. I am currently 21 and I’ve been drug free my entire life, and Straight Edge since i was about 15 or so. I’ve had a similar problem, since I lost two really close friends due to drug abuse which led to the suicide of one of them, and after the death of his partner after a period of profound depression. I was myself diagnosed with depression after that and I started my therapy with anti-depressants. I wasn’t sure about the whole thing and it caused me a lot of doubts regarding edge and ideology. I finished with them about two weeks ago and I can say I am slightly happier. With that said, we shouldn’t put Edge over our own physical and mental health, and we should be able to difference between social drugs and drugs used for therapy and/or health in general. Still, anti-depressants are really dangerous and you should be really sure about it, and be aware of your situation during the whole process. It was nice hearing from other people with similar troubles.